new years rumination

“true love is a rose that i guess is locked to get closed”

I woke up from a nightmare last night. I woke up into reality unsure of which side I belonged on. Sometimes nightmares are undistinguishable from the truth.

Reality is an outdated concept in my opinion. Reality dictates that even the most random happenings in my life are valid. Frankly, I don’t always want them to be. “Dawna, you are letting him do it to you again. Reality check, didn’t you do this yesterday and the day before and the day before?” Yes I did. And I much prefer the denial. Wouldn’t life be better (and I’m strictly speaking in the moment. Consequences of actions should never be considered until after the fact) if we disregarded the thorn on our sides, this reality, and started living!? Imagine the possibilities, we could love those who hurt us, spend money we don’t have. We could live like gods. Join me, let reality go.

Merry Chirstmas Eve!

Holy fuckin' Moses I had a good time last night. Cassandra, Brie and I went down to McFaddon's and met up with KK and her friends. Within 2 minutes of getting there I finished a drink and Jordan bought me a shot. It was a good night. I really didn't think I'd enjoy a bar with a cover charge and hip-hip music, but it turned out to be great music and they started playing 80's stuff as the night wore on. I don't even dance and I was all over that floor. Made a few friends, made better friends with some people. Son of a bitch I was drunk. But sadly, we said after-party at our house and everyone but Cassandra and me assed out within like 45 minutes. So we only stayed up til four. Bummer. Party at my house tomorrow night! And Monday! Time to get ready for work!

Dag yo!

Cheers and Beers. I’m so excited to tell my dad about the night I had last night. I would have to say my first party was a smashing success. We cleared out most of the liquor, all of the wine and champagne I bought and had enough noise complaints to get the rent-a-pigs called twice. Daddy will be proud. I’m really glad everyone Kristin and I invited didn’t show up, because son of a bitch there was a lot of people here. I’m not even too upset about the cheesecake bubbling. Everyone had a good time and got along and we got some great pictures. What more can a girl ask? Time to call dad…

My fortune said send a love letter this week...

My fortune said send a love letter this week. That’s not so much a fortune as a demand, but perhaps it is supposed to lead me to something wonderful. And I’m not talking about finding the man of my dreams, getting married and having two lovely babies named Elliott and Ava. Not to mention the estate with acreage. That’s all bullshit and we both know it. The chance of something thoroughly unknown to a single soul on this earth. I’m no good at writing, putting my feelings and thoughts down in words. I experience emotions in images and colors and temperatures, they are so grand to me words fail to convey them. If I cannot share when I’m feeling exactly as I feel it, without losing some of the beauty in my lovehurtempathy then it’s not worth writing down. I think I’m much better at sharing in real life. I think this vessel is made to nurture. I digress. My outstanding love letter to the unknown loved one is quite the opportunity. Maybe I don’t love them yet; the letter could be the creation of my love for them. For all I know, the love letter could freak them out and they think I’m crazy. The dangers that drama brings are untold to this quiet young one. Perhaps it will rekindle a friendship that died down from my past. There are a hundred thousand outcomes to the action I take based on this fortune. I could stand against action and the in itself could be life changing. Or who knows, maybe a life with the one I love for all flaws and qualities combined is just a pen stroke away…

Booya!

I worked 28 of the last 33 hours. Beat that shit.