PRRRRUUUUNEEE biatch!

I hate Jager. But you know what? It kicks ass with Dr. Pepper. frigg, Dr. pepper is so prune flavor, how else could it combine with licorice? It takes two sick tastes, prune and black licorice, and they cancel each other. So it turns out to be tasty and yummy. Mmm yummy drunken goodness in my tummy. Hey guess what? Hate you all, but right now I LOVVVVEE you. Thank you minions for sponsoring me to drink alone, just for the fun of it. And the fun of getting up extra early for lab. IT’S FUCKING PRUNE FLAVORED! FUCK YOU GUYS WHO DON’T GET IT. I ASSUME ALL YOU WHO DON’T KNOW WHAT FLAVOR IT IS AREN'T GETTITNG ANY
ANYWAYS FUCKERS!!!!

I was born a poor black child...

- In one of my labs this week, there was a big bag of internal organs sitting in the sink. I think that says a lot about how I felt about that lab. I wonder how the sack of innards felt about me. I didn’t see a brain, so probably not a whole lot.

- If everyone at school gives up and parks approximately 17.3 miles away from class in the lower parking lots, where did all those cars come from in the upper parking lots?

- For the love of God, can someone explain the phenomenon of those ass ratchets who feel the need to: a)whistle, b)hoot, c)honk, or d)make derogatory comments. What, do you think by doing these things I’m going to rip my shirt off and throw myself on your windshield? That I’ll tackle you and pull your teeny wing-wang out? Do you honestly think I’m going to do anything other than vomit a little? You fucking morons. If you think a girl is cute, go talk to her or shut the fuck up, you douche bags. I swear if one more of you wannabe fucking players gives me a mother fucking “shout out” I’m going to beat the living shit out of you and submit a picture of you to the latest fight fucking AIDS campaign.

- If ibuprofen is an anti-inflammatory, how come my fat lip looks EXACTLY the same after taking 1000mg?

- Last night I disputed the validity of the King James Version of the bible. What the fuck was up with that?

- I have an assignment for all my readers. By all of you, I mean both of you. Think of ideas for me to write my research paper on. The topic was due like a week ago and I have about negative six ideas to write eleven plus pages on. The only parameter is I have to take a stance on the topic. So think minions, think!

This one goes out to the ladies...

Let me just say I hate girls. I hate them almost as much as I hate stupid asshats going 10 miles below the speed limit in the passing lane and I hate them way more than stupid poser bands like Linkin Park and Creed (thank you sweet Jesus for ending that fucking cess pool of noise). And I hate those guys a lot. But girls really take the cake. You must be wondering, ‘But D, aren’t you a girl? Or are you a skinny guy with bitch tits and the prettiest damn face I’ve ever seen?’ Well yes I am a girl, and I hate my own kind. And I am the prettiest thing you’ll ever see, if you happen to see me. But most girls annoy the living shit out of me. I just don’t get them. On the occasion where I do something totally chick-like, I annoy and confuse myself. Get over yourself ladies, guys only put up with your prissy bullshit so they can put it in you. They don’t give a shit how long or how much you spend making yourself look better to attract them; they couldn’t give less of a shit about your drama and whining. You wonder why you can’t find a guy? Try acting like a normal fucking human being. No one will ever notice your extra effort so why don’t you spend all that time you waste adding layers of makeup and try to find a personality. You skanky ass whores. You all look and act the fucking same. Unless you are going to throw some punches and rip each other’s clothes off, enough with the catfights and talking behind each other’s backs. I am so ashamed to be associated with woman kind sometimes. I’m not saying become a fucking hippie, don’t get me wrong. I hate hippies too. What’s the deal with those feminazi chicks who are like, “I don’t shave my legs or wear makeup, I’m so empowered?” Last time I checked, there is nothing empowering about giving yourself rug burn when you walk. Make use of that bic and use it to slit your wrists. How about we all stop overanalyzing things and give up trying to impress others. Hey, shirts that cover more than your nipples are cheaper, you could use that money to buy a book and maybe develop a well thought out opinion.

-D

Oops I forgot

Sign my guestbook at the bottom you precious little minions you.

-D

This message is brought to you by the cute girl you picked up at the bar

It’s Sunday night. I have a load of homework that could fill up Ryan Seacrest’s undoubtedly expanded anal cavity. And no books to go with, just photocopies of the questions. So of course I’m looking at this fucking shit like a tranny trying to figure out which toilet to go into. Because hey, if that cute guy at the bar sees, it could ruin any hopes once he’s so wasted he doesn’t notice the adam’s apple or 5 o’clock shadow. Maybe this poor drunken guy’s future shame should send a clear message to the bookstore; “have e-fucking-nough books.”

Another thing that’s pissing me off tonight, laundry. My clothes should earn their trip to the washer. Prove to me you deserve a pass into the foamy clean haven. I want to see stains and obvious odor before I wash that shit. Fuck you shirt I wore for two hours. Show me that you paid your dues for that trip to the washer, bitch.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Those of you who know me have noticed "jello" often attached to my stuff online. So this random guy sends me an IM yesterday, and he was like, "do you wrestle in it?" "Wrestle in what?" "The jello." He was actually trying to hit on me with that shit! What kind of fucked up fucking white trash shit is that? Like i'm actually lacking enough self respect to go for that? What an asswratchet. Or to phrase it better for some of you, what a cumwookie.

-D

You need to make an appointment if the posted office hours do not fit your schedule

Oh what shall the omniscient dBombshell bluster about tonight? I should probably narrow it down a bit. How about this, I hate jerks. I guess that's too narrow, that kind of encompasses the greater part of our population. I fucking hate you stupid ass Profs who think you are cool because you can start your class before 8am. What kind of fucking douche bag ass clown can understand math at that hour? Only the suck-up little fucktards who long to feel the prof's balls slapping against their pasty white ass. During posted office hours of course.

To my dear friend Tess, right now I am in awe of you. Not only have you done one of the evilest things I could fathom (sorry dudes, details on this one would cause trouble), but you have also done the kindest, sweetest thing ever for your fellow evil buddy. You fucking rock my socks off. And sorry....it was wicked fun though.

It is indeed a glorious day…..

D